


Square Filled: Playing with their Hair

by freebirddean



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-21 08:43:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17040530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freebirddean/pseuds/freebirddean





	Square Filled: Playing with their Hair

“Sammy, sweetie?” Your voice was soft and gentle as you stood at Sam’s door after a quiet knock. He had turned in early, having not even finished his dinner. He loved your cooking and never missed an opportunity to clean his plate. But tonight had been different. He barely spoke a word as he pushed his rice around on his plate. The conversation between you and Dean was limited, both of you concerned for the youngest Winchester. Surely he could feel your eyes on him and sense the worry etched on your features. Maybe that was what drove him off to his room. He hadn’t acknowledged either of you before he pushed himself from the table and walked out of the room. 

There was a brief glance between you and Dean, a conversation to decide who would go after him. A hand rested on Dean’s forearm and you gave him a silent nod, a frown playing at your lips. He nodded in return before you stood and exited the room. You had rested your ear against the door and didn’t even hear him shuffling about and when you knocked, you still didn’t hear anything on the other side. Your brow knit with deeper worry lines and you finally tried the knob. When it barely jiggled, you quickly learned that he had locked it. It was then you knew something truly was wrong. 

“Sam, open the door please.” Your tone was firm and yet you didn’t want to seem rough. “Is everything alright, hun? Please, open the door.” You practically begged as your palms rested against the wood frame. Your forehead rested against the door as you heaved a heavy sigh. Tears threatened to spill from your eyes the longer the silence lingered. He had never done this before. He always talked to you, left the door open for you. You were his best friend and he could tell you anything. What was different about tonight? It made you wonder what you had done. 

You tried one more knock. “Please.” The word escaped more like a breathless whimper this time. There was still no response. You swallowed the thick lump in your throat finally pushing yourself from the wall. Misty eyes stared at the door ahead, running a hand gently down the golden numbers. “I’m here if you need me, Sam.” You assured him before dropping your hand and hugging your arms around yourself and turning to walk away. Your head hung in defeat and when you lifted your eyes after a few steps, you stopped to see Dean standing at the other end of the hall. When he saw you, his face wrinkled with his deep frown as you shook your head. 

Before you could reach the warm embrace of the eldest brother, the sound of the door opening made you stop. Casting a glance over your shoulder with hopeful eyes, a mop of hair came into view and you visibly relaxed. You turned, your arms dropping to your sides as you took a few calculated steps toward him, being sure to move slowly. His hair hung in his face as his eyes were directed toward the concrete floor. You heard a few falls of heavy boots and you tossed a glare behind you at Dean who immediately froze with a scowl. You knew he meant well and wanted to speak to his brother too, but right now Sam didn’t need that. 

Slowly reaching out a hand to take his, he finally lifted his hazel orbs to your face. You gave him a soft smile and waited for him to say or do something next. When Sam started to back up into the room, you looked at Dean one last time before following him in. Darkness overcome the room completely when the door closed behind you and you were only able to maneuver through the room because you were still latched to Sam’s hand. As if he were going to let you go, your fingers squeezed tighter. You could hear him moving until finally you heard the creek of the bed and felt him pull you closer. It was as if he could read your mind, because the moment your hand lifted to reach for the bedside lamp, his long fingers closed around your wrist. You allowed him to lower your hands, both of them engulfed by his in front of you. 

“Sam, what’s going on? What’s wrong?” Your voice was laced with more than worry but a sense of dread almost. You brought yourself closer to him, pushing your way in between his legs. “Talk to me, please.” His hands released yours and you felt as his arms moved around your middle, his head coming to rest against your chest. Your hands instinctively moved to comb through his hair, an action he always responded well to. “I don’t like seeing you like this, sweetie.” You could feel his body tremble against you and you could feel tears of your own beginning to burn your eyes. An arm wrapped tightly around his shoulders as you tangled your fingers tightly in his hair, clinging to him as tightly as he clung to you. 

Since he wouldn’t speak, there were tons of different theories and ideas of what it could be that ran through your head. Jessica’s birthday had just passed but he hadn’t acted like this before and that was over a decade ago. No one had gotten injured recently and your last several hunts had been successful. He and Dean had been getting along well, the three of you had even taken a weekend off to go to the carnival. Surely, the clowns hadn’t affected him this badly. You were drawing a blank. You began to feel guilty for not being able to pinpoint the cause of your best friend’s pain. 

The silence carried on for a while, the two of you just holding each other in the darkness. He never cried, his subtle tremors the only sign of any emotion. Your eyes had adjusted to the blackness around you and you could see the state his room was in. Sam had never been a messy guy. He wasn’t as organized and as much of a clean freak as his brother but he was nowhere near a slob. The room around you looked nothing like Sam Winchester’s room. Books were open and lying about, mugs of half drunk coffee and empty beer bottles keeping them company. 

It wasn’t until you started to look at the covers and binders of the books that you realized what they were all about. You looked down at Sam right as his head lifted, your eyes meeting with the same intense emotion. “This is about my family.” It wasn’t a question because you already knew the answer. This was the five year anniversary of the day you lost your family. Their case was never solved and Sam had always blamed himself for their deaths. If it hadn’t been for him, you would have been one of the casualties as well. But clearly he had never let the guilt go. Both hands moved through his hair now, fingers combing through the warm chestnut locks as you frowned at him. 

“It wasn’t your fault. I’ve never blamed you.” His head rested against your chest again after you spoke, his eyes closing as he only squeezed you tighter. As your fingers played with his hair, he didn’t seem as tense but you had to do something to get him out of this stupor of his. “I’ve moved on, Sam. I’m ok. Yeah, I think about them all the time but they would want me to be happy.” Your hands moved to cup his face, pulling his attention to you. “You need to stop this. Stop beating yourself up. Stop researching. It doesn’t matter. They are gone and it’s ok. Vengeance isn’t going to make me feel better and it won’t bring them back. You could be looking for the thing that did this for the rest of your life or you could find it and kill it. Either way, it’s only going to drive you insane. So please, just let it go.” A warm smile curled on your lips, your thumbs rubbing across the stubble of his cheeks. “I have.” 

The fact that he still struggled with this after all this time, broke your heart. But it also warmed your soul to know how much he cared. You felt as his hands moved up your sides, dragging a shiver out of you before his large digits were feather light down your bare arms. He finally came to rest his hands around your wrists, never breaking eye contact with you. Your breathing seemed to have slowed down significantly somewhere along the journey of his hands and now your body had gone rigid. His gaze was mesmerizing and you could feel the racing of your heart in your ears. 

“You’re the strongest woman I’ve ever known.” His words were just a whisper when he finally decided to speak. His hands pulled your fingers from his face and held both of your hands in his grasp against his chest. He looked down at your entwined fingers for a moment before his hand lifted to tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear. The hand rested there while your hands were still engulfed by his other. “You never give up, you always keep fighting no matter what. You have every reason to break down but you just seem to come out more powerful than before.” His fingers were now running through your hair, your eyes closing at the soothing sensation. 

Your eyes shot open when you felt his hand pulling your face closer. All air froze within your lungs as you locked eyes with him once again. His tongue slowly licked his lips and there was a hint of hesitation as his eyes fell to your mouth. As if he would even need to ask permission. You closed the distance and melded your lips against his. He released your hands allowing you to wrap your arms around his neck while his hands tangled into your hair. His lips were soft and sweet and better than anything you could have ever imagined. 

Up until this point, you had actually never pictured kissing Sam. Not that he wasn’t attractive or sweet and totally you’re type. You had just gotten so close to him and Dean that you just had never thought of him in that way. But now that you were here, lost in his kiss which he quickly deepened with a groan, you couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. Emotions you didn’t even know you had finally came to the surface, making your lips move more fiercely against his. Your arms tightened around his shoulders, your hands curling into his hair as you straddled his lap. You weren’t sure what had gotten into you but after just one taste, you couldn’t get enough of him. 

Your sudden fervor threw him off guard and his arms moved to wrap around your waist. Hands splayed over your back as he returned the kiss with the same intensity. His tongue pushed past your lips without permission, moving against yours as you both tried to taste each other fully. The kiss broke only for a second to suck in a quick breath of air and then he was on you again. Flipping you onto your back on the bed, you giggled against his mouth as your arms moved to flop against the mattress. Your hair fanned out behind you and you pulled away from his kiss. He hovered above you for a moment, concerned that he had hurt your or gone too far when your hands came to rest over your eyes. 

He started to move but froze when your hand rested over his bicep and took a firm hold. You giggled again when he flexed under your fingers and it brought a grin to his face. Your hand still rested over your eyes, afraid that if you opened them he would disappear and this all would have been a dream. But when his lips began to trail down the line of your jaw, you moved your hand and nibbled on your bottom lip. “Sam.” 

“I’m here.” He breathed against your ear before coming up to look down at you. A faint smirk played on his lips and you couldn’t help but smile up at him. There was a silent moment as the two of you just stared at one another. He came down on his side next to you, propping himself on his elbow as his hand moved to play with your hair. You hummed before rolling over to face him, bringing your body close to his warmth. “You’re beautiful.” He stated, causing you to blush. He chuckled, his rough fingers moving from your hair to trail down the side of your face. “And adorable.” 

A sigh seemed to change the atmosphere, a frown now pulling at his features. Your brow wrinkled as you rolled on your stomach and pushed yourself up on your elbows. “Sam, stop. I know what you’re doing and you stop it right now, mister.” You put on your best stern face to go along with your firm tone but he could see the softness in your eyes. He gave you an adorable little half smile and you couldn’t resist kissing it. His hand moved to trail down the curve of your spine as he returned your kiss. Humming against his lips, your heart fluttered like you had never felt before. 

His fingers continued to glide up and down your back, feather light sending chills through your body. “I just wish I could have saved them. I wish you still had them here with you. If I would have tried harder, been faster. If I--” 

Your finger shot up to rest over his kiss swollen lips to silence him. When your finger moved, your lips took their place. You pushed him onto his back, climbing over him so now it was you that hovered above him, your tiny hands sliding into his hair as your elbows rested against his shoulders. His hands moved up your thighs, coming to find their rest on your hips. “If you didn’t get there when you did, I would have been killed to. You saved me, Sam. You took me and took care of me and became the best friend I could ever ask for.” Your eyes were serious as you looked down at him with all the love you could muster. “You may not have been able to save my family but you became my family.” 

Tears slid from the corner of his eye now as he brought himself up enough to catch your lips. His arms tightened around you to bring you tight against his large frame. When your lips parted, his eyes closed as he rested his forehead against yours. “You’re the one that saved me. I don’t know where I’d be without you. You changed my life the moment you stepped into it. And I always feel so guilty knowing that your family had to die to bring you into my life. That you had to lose them to find me.” 

Another warm smile played at your lips as you hummed. “Everything happens for a reason, Sam. We may not understand why things happen but there is always a plan.” Your lips kissed away the moisture from his eyes before you planted a soft kiss on his lips. “I love you, Sam Winchester. No matter how we came together, I’m glad we did.” 

Sam’s eyes lit up then, the brightest smile you had ever seen pulling his lips apart. You laughed as he hugged you tight, flipping you over to lay on top of you again. His lips kissed your face over and over again, leaving you wriggling beneath him but not really minding the attack at all. “I’ve loved you for so long. I regret taking this long to have you in my arms.” He buried his face in the crook of your neck as you ran your fingers through his hair. 

“It doesn’t matter, Sam. You have me now and that’s all that matters.”


End file.
